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Takeaway Royale  (2006)

Alternative Titles: Savoy Grill, Bhuna Banquet Buffet

Genre: Action/Thriller

Plot:
Daniel Craig successfully takes over the role of James Bond in this high octane action thriller.

Spies are thought to be operating from the local Indian restaurant and takeaway. When captured, Bond must eat a whole chicken vindaloo without the aid of water.

Starring: Daniel Craig and Fiona Phillips as Miss Moneypenny.

Quotes:
Waiter: "Would you like rice or naan with that?"


BIFTA Winner: Best Free Delivery Service (2007)

Directed by: Onken Mousse. US/UK Colour.

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A Tale of Two Titties  (1991)

Alternative Titles: Storm in a D Cup, Breasts, Lots of Crying and Whinging

Genre: Drama

Plot:
Lindsay Wagner and Shannon Doherty in a made-for-TV yarn about puberty, boys, clothes, make-up and breast implants. The ex-Bionic Woman actress is not best pleased when her wayward teenage daughter has yet another tantrum and decides on having DD cups.

Starring: Lindsay Wagner, Shannon Doherty and Claire Raynor.

Quotes:
Mum: "You're not going out like that! Get upstairs and get that off!"


BIFTA Winner: Best Bollocking (1992)

Directed by: Linda Cleavage. US Colour.

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The Talented Mr. Kipling  (1991)

Alternative Titles: My Bar Fancies, Who Wants A Custard Tart?, Who Wants A Manchester Tart?, Hey Mr Pastry Man, Cakes Ahoy!

Genre: Drama/Thriller

Plot:
Exceedingly good biography of the famous Mr. Kipling. Telling the story of how he started his individual-sized cake conglomerate by murdering the real Mr. Kipling with a cherry bakewell, and assuming his identity.

Starring: David Jason, Melvyn Bragg, and Joan Bakewell.

Quotes:
Mr Kipling: "Mmmmmm, delicious!"

Most Helpful User Review:
Revealing and boring in equal parts.


BIFTA Winner: Good Taste (1992)

Directed by: Peachy Filling. UK Colour.

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Ten+One's Eleven  (1980)

Alternative Titles: Two Divided By Zero, Maths Counts, Maths Topics, Sums It Up, Think of a Number

Genre: Action/Thriller

Plot:
Vague remake of the Rat Pack classic. A gang of Maths teachers from a poorly funded secondary school plot to rob stationery from WHSmiths. Gripping from start to finish.

Starring: Fred Harris, Johnny Ball, Derek Griffiths & Carol Chell.

Quotes:
Mr Mumps: "And don't forget the set squares!"


BIFTA Winner: The Helix Award for Best Pencil Case (1981)

Directed by: Stephen Hawking. UK Colour.

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The Terminus  (1984)

Alternative Titles: Terminus Man, Terminal Journey, Terminal Cheesecake, On the Buses

Genre: Sci-Fi/Thriller

Plot:
Arnold Schwarzenegger as a cyborg bus driver from the future, sent back in time to disrupt the space-timetable continuum.

Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger and Reg Varney.

Quotes:
Cyborg: "I'll be back in half an hour."


BIFTA Winner: Best Buddies (1985)

Directed by: Big John. US Colour.

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Terminus 2: Bank Holiday  (1990)

Alternative Titles: Terminus Man 2, Terminal Journey 2, Terminal Cheesecake 2, Holiday on the Buses

Genre: Sci-Fi/Thriller

Plot:
Arnie's back and fighting the nasty new cyborg inspector sent back from the future to eliminate the services on a bank holiday.

The special effects still look good today; the scene where the inspector morphs into a bus stop sign won the film's special effects team a BIFTA.

Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Stephen Lewis and that woman off the AOL adverts.

Quotes:
Cyborg driver: "I need your clothes, your boots and your ticket machine."


BIFTA Winner: Best Lead Morph Scene of a Ticket Inspector (1991)

Directed by: Little John. US Colour.

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Tesco Chainsaw Massacre  (1990)

Alternative Titles: Supermarket Sweep, Checkout Chop-up, Have You Got a Clubcard?, He Knows You've Got More than 5 Items Or Less

Genre: Horror

Plot:
The checkout girls and boys at the local Tesco go nutzoid after the UHT milk turns radioactive and leaks.

Starring: Dale Winton.

Quotes:
Voice on tannoy: "Will all the Queue Busters please make their way to the checkouts, thank you."

Most Helpful User Review:
SPOILERS: Grisly scene at the baker's counter - where the store manager's head is cooked in the oven - is overshadowed by the climax where the staff eat each other to death. This film is deliciously wrong.


BIFTA Nomination: Best Confusion of an Actor in a Supporting Role (1991)

Directed by: Tobe Hooper. UK/US Colour.

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Texas Chainstore Massacre  (1992)

Alternative Titles: Chainstore Massacre, Chainstore Slaughter, Texas Homecare, I Don't Want a Lover

Genre: Horror

Plot:
Interior designer goes on the stalk 'n' slash with power-tools after his temper snaps while trying to fit laminate flooring, as part of a TV makeover on some numb-nut's home.

Starring: Lawrence Llewellin-Bellin, Cilla Black and Carol Decker.

Quotes:
Peter: "Dado rail, my ass."

Most Helpful User Review:
DIY disasters with a difference - you won't see this on Changing Rooms!


BIFTA Nomination: Best Design Under Budget (1993)

Directed by: Ivor Bigg-Poole. UK Colour.

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There's Someone Behind You  (1982)

Alternative Titles: There's Someone Following You, There's Someone Hiding Up that Dark Alley, Back Passage, Chase Me

Genre: Horror/Thriller

Plot:
Usual fare. Stalker killer on the rampage through the streets of London and the tube railway system. At night, obviously.

Starring: a pre-Terminator Linda Hamilton.

Quotes:
Sandra: "Second class return to Nottingham, please."


BIFTA Nomination: Best Underground Film (1983)

Directed by: Shaggy Loaf. UK/US Colour.

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There's Someone in the Bushes  (1978)

Alternative Titles: Hideaway, Rustling Russell, The Bushing, Kate's Bush

Genre: Horror/Thriller

Plot:
Remember that bit in Halloween when Jamie Lee Curtis is walking along the road, clutching her schoolbooks, and she's convinced someone's following her and hiding out of sight behind a bush? Well it's like that all the way through.

Starring: Lorraine Chase and Ian Ogily.

Quotes:
Lindsey: "I think there's someone in the bushes."


BIFTA Nomination: Best Bush Off (1979)

Directed by: Duncan Doughnuts. UK Colour.

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There's Something About Farting  (2001)

Alternative Titles: Well There Is Isn't There?

Genre: Comedy

Plot:
There's something about farting which makes everyone laugh. Even the Queen. Paul Burrell let slip that the Queen loved this film about everyday people farting in everyday places. At home, in the office, on the school run, at the gym. Elizabeth II's favourite scene is the 39-year-old mother-of-four letting off a large one in the swimming baths, apparently.

Starring: Joe Public. Narrated by Ross Kemp.

Quotes:
Maggie: "That wasn't me."


BIFTA Winner: Best Raspberries (2002)

Directed by: Ali Pongo. UK Colour.

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The Things  (1984)

Alternative Titles: The Things of Death, The Horrible Things, Some Stuff

Genre: Sci-Fi/Horror

Plot:
A team of scientists at the North Pole unearth some things that have been buried deep underground for many years. Items include: a Blue Peter Annual, some Spangles and an old copy of the Radio Times.

Starring: Kurt Russell and Tina Heath.

Quotes:
Sarah: "Aw! They're all soggy!"


BIFTA Winner: Best Disappointment of a Lead Actor (1985)

Directed by: Ed DeBall. UK/US Colour.

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Three Animals Go on a Long Journey Across America by Themselves  (1978)

Alternative Titles: A Tail of Three Animals, Disney's Roadkill

Genre: Children's

Plot:
Disney's first foray into live-action film.

A dog, a cat and a guinea pig decide to leave their East Coast home town of Salem's Lot, and head for the hustle and bustle of West Coast Las Vegas.

Starring: Beezer, Tigger and Reggie.

Quotes:
Benji: "Woof! Woof! W-w-w-woof!"


BIFTA Winner: Best Fur Coats (1979)

Directed by: Queenio Coco. US Colour.

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Top Bun  (1986)

Alternative Titles: Top Brioche, Top of the Baps, Top Oven Bottom, Feel the Knead

Genre: Action/Drama/Romance

Plot:
As students at an elite catering school compete to be best in the class, one daring young baker learns a few things from his instructor that are not taught in the classroom.

Trivia: One-hit-wonder Berlin scored a number one with the theme tune, "Take My Bread Away".

Starring: Tom Cruise and Kelly McGillis.

Quotes:
Maverick: "I forgot to add the yeast!"
Iceman: "Numbnuts."

Most Helpful User Review:
Top feel-good movie stuffed full of cheese and high-fives.


BIFTA Winner: Best Showstopper (1987)

Directed by: Stud Muffin. US Colour.

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Top Side Story  (1990)

Alternative Titles: Butcher's Best, Cuts of Beef, Cutting It, Cow Pie, Magpie Pie

Genre: Musical/Drama

Plot:
A butcher's tale. Adapted from the hit stage musical. An all singing and dancing drama of the rivalry between a local butcher and Tesco's meat counter.

Starring: Trevor Cleaver and Vince Mince.

Quotes:
Fred: "Pass me that mince, Ashley."

Music By: Andrew Lloyd Webber and Boyd Rice.


BIFTA Nomination: Best Side of Beef (1991)

Directed by: Stevie Wonder. UK Colour.

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Tough Bastards  (1996)

Alternative Titles: Hangin' Tough, Tough Enough, Enough is Enough, So Macho

Genre: Action

Plot:
Ridiculous quasi-documentary in which various hard men of Hollywood show off their muscle through bouts of wrestling and fumbling.

Starring: Vin Diesel, Steven Segal and Mark Wahlberg.

Quotes:
Graham: "If ya don't let go, you're gonna feel my fist!"

Most Helpful User Review:
To be frank, this couldn't be more homoerotic if it tried. My friend Gordon loved it.


BIFTA Nomination: Best Grope (1997)

Directed by: Touchy Feely. US Colour.

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Tough Shit  (1991)

Alternative Titles: Bad Shit 2: Shit Harder, Shit Hard: With A Vengeance, U-Bend 571, Scat Master, Block-Buster

Genre: Action

Plot:
Drain-blocker Arnold Schwarzenegger finds he has his hands full when an industrial chemical is secretly leaked into the sewers of Philadelphia, creating an army of shit-monsters that are hell-bent on destroying the city's stock of bleach.

Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Vin Diesel, Steven Segal.

Quotes:
Gunther: "Vot in Gohd's nhem is ghoing ohn? My plunger is having nho heffect hon the faecal bheasts! Whe mhust chontact the Prehshident before whe are chovered in shiit!"

Most Helpful User Review:
Action packed from start to finish, this is one for all those faecal-maniacs out there. And I know there are plenty of them - I've been to Amsterdam.


BIFTA Winner: Best Toilet Duck (1992)

Directed by: Dinah Rodd. US Colour.

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The Towyn Inferno  (1974)

Alternative Titles: It's a Burning Burning Burning Burning Burning Burning Town, The Town that Burnt Down, Feurio!

Genre: Disaster

Plot:
An all-star cast of huge names appear in this joint UK/US production set in Wales. A massive fire breaks out at a caravan park in Towyn that threatens to destroy the whole town and everyone in it.

Starring: Steve McQueen, Paul Newman, Faye Dunaway, Terry Scott and June Whitfield.

Quotes:
Sergeant O'Halloran: "I think it started in the toilet block."
Freddie: "Oh God! No! I left Mr Punch in there!!"

Most Helpful User Review:
A gripping disaster movie classic


BIFTA Winner: Best Explosions and That (1975)

Directed by: Irwin Allen. UK/US Colour.

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Trainspotters  (1996)

Alternative Titles: Anoraks, Sad Bastards, Hornby Rail Set

Genre: Drama/Fantasy

Plot:
The story of addiction and locomotives in Yorkshire.

Starring: Ronnie Corbett, Maureen Lipman, William Roache, Dennis Waterman and Steve Davis.

Quotes:
Lenny: "Choose life. Choose a big telly. Choose an R186 signal box."


BIFTA Winner: Best Timetable (1997)

Directed by: Jodrell Bank. UK Colour.

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Twat Town  (1996)

Alternative Titles: Welsh Rarebit, Vally Ho, Tourettes Town

Genre: Black Comedy

Plot:
Welsh black comedy set in the seaside town of Twatton.

Starring: Ruth Maddock and Catherine Zeta Jones.

Quotes:
Gwen: "Fuckin' hell, Rhodri, you fuckin' ate all the fuckin' goddamn fudge you fat fuck!"

Most Helpful User Review:
This film infamously has more uses of the eff-word than any other in history: 741. I counted them. And now the pause button on my top-loading Ferguson Videostar is broken.


BIFTA Winner: Best Welsh Film (1997)

Directed by: Alpine Pop. UK Colour.

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Twelve Angry Wasps  (1957)

Alternative Titles: Crown Court, Courtroom Conundrum, Countdown Conundrum

Genre: Drama

Plot:
Tempers are frayed in this gritty courtroom drama. A jury is trapped in a sweltering room which has a wasp nest in the corner of the ceiling, and are forced to decide the fate of an alleged petty thief before being allowed to leave.

Starring: Henry Fonda and Alberto Balsam.

Quotes:
Martin: "Buzz off!"

Most Helpful User Review:
It's the bees knees.


BIFTA Winner: Best Pest (1958)

Directed by: Rodney Bennett. US Black & White.

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