The BIFTAs

Home Sort A to Z Updates


0-A B C D E-F G-H
I-L M-Q R-S T U-Z

 

Home

 

Cabernet  (1972)

Alternative Titles: Wine and Song, Swig It Down, Sing When You're Swigging, Food and Booze

Genre: Musical

Plot:
Booze aplenty in this top hat and fishnets musical, set on a wine tasting holiday in France.

Starring: Liza Minnelli, Keith Moon and George Best.

Quotes:
Sally: "Pour me another..."

Most Helpful User Review:
Best served with steak and a peppercorn sauce.

Music By: Sparks.

Best Song: "This Bottle Isn't Big Enough for Both of Us.".


BIFTA Nomination: Best Piss-Up Artists (1973)

Directed by: Glenn Fiddick. US Colour.

Home

 

Home

 

The Cabinet of Dr Calamari  (1922)

Alternative Titles: Doktor Fisch, Squid Monster, Seafood and Eat It

Genre: Horror

Plot:
One of the earliest horror films ever made.

Starring: Farton Buerke and Hilary Wharf.

Quotes:
[Intertitles]: "Quick! Get Him!"

Most Helpful User Review:
This silent classic features some truly creepy moments.


BIFTA Winner: Best Side Salad (1923)

Directed by: Willhelm Bananas. Germany Black & White.

Home

 

Home

 

Cannibal Disco  (1979)

Alternative Titles: Last Night a DJ Ate My Wife, Ghoul and the Gang, Stayin' Alive, Slaying the Live

Genre: Horror

Plot:
Death on the dancefloor as the unwitting punters at The Fresh Meat Discotheque discover they are the nibbles. Groovy soundtrack by the Bud Gees.

Starring: Alan Freeman, Dave Lee Travis and Tina Charles.

Quotes:
DJ Sloppy: "Before we eat you all, we must perform the sacrificial ceremony. Leroy, Begin the Beguine!"


BIFTA Winner: Best Soundtrack (1980)

Directed by: Bobby Crush. UK Colour.

Home

 

Home

 

Carry On Dickhead  (1972)

Alternative Titles: Carry On Wanker, Carry On Keep That Up

Genre: Comedy

Plot:
Factory manager Windsor Davies gets his comeuppance when his machinists decide they've had quite enough of him acting like a tosser.

Starring: Sid James, Jim Dale, Barbara Windsor, Joan Sims and Windsor Davies.

Quotes:
Mr Twatson: "You stupid arse! Can't you do anything?! Oh you're fucking priceless! What a moron! And what are you lot staring at? GET BACK TO WORK!!"

Most Helpful User Review:
Hilarious comedy gold. You'll need to be careful if you plan on having a few drinks while watching this one - any Blue Nun you've just thrown down your neck could easily end up sprayed out of every orifice. Yes, even that one.


BIFTA Winner: Best Special Effects for Broom Handle Up the Bum Scene (1973)

Directed by: Peter Rogers. UK Colour.

Home

 

Home

 

Carry On Don't Stop Now  (1975)

Alternative Titles: Don't Stop Me Now, Carry On Carry On As If Nothing Really Matters, Ah Go On Go On Go On

Genre: Comedy

Plot:
Considered by many as being the one where the Carry On series started to stumble towards its death.

Even casting "hot new band" Queen couldn't save this film from dying on its arse, although there are a few good moments for 70s nostalgia fans.

Shame.

Starring: Sid James, Jim Dale, Bernard Breslaw, Barbara Windsor and Queen.

Quotes:
Sid: "Bohemian what?? Don't make me larf."

Music By: Queen.


BIFTA Nomination: Best State of the Art Split Screen Effects (1976)

Directed by: Peter Rogers and Roy Thomas Baker. UK Colour.

Home

 

Home

 

Carry On Flabby  (1963)

Alternative Titles: Weight Watchers, Fat Busters, Fat Bitches, Plump

Genre: Comedy

Plot:
The very first Carry On film. Hattie Jacques and friends join a diet and exercise class. When it turns out they are working out with slender young blondes, their husbands decide to join as well.

Starring: Hattie Jacques, Sid James, Kennth Connor, Charles Hawtrey and Esma Cannon.

Quotes:
"And reach, two three four five six seven eight... Come on, move that fat arse!"


BIFTA Nomination: Best Blondes (1964)

Directed by: Gerald Thomas. UK Black & White.

Home

 

Home

 

Caves of Death  (1972)

Alternative Titles: Caves of Doom, Horror Caves, Horror Caverns, Horror of the Caveman, Captain Caveman, Wookey Hole

Genre: Horror

Plot:
A group of teenagers stumble upon an old cave by the woods. Daring each other to go in, they find more than just stalagmites.

There's mild amusement in a scene where the kids shout rude words and listen for the echoes.

Starring: Roy Kinear and a young Keith Chegwin.

Quotes:
Kevin: "Boobies!"


BIFTA Winner: Best Shouting and Screaming by a Supporting Actor (1973)

Directed by: Crispin Dry. UK Colour.

Home

 

Home

 

Children of the Quorn  (1983)

Alternative Titles: Children of the Vegan Moon, Not Bacon, The Krankies

Genre: Horror

Plot:
Carnivores in the sleepy Nevada town of Tinyville are killed off one by one by a group of animal-loving vegetarian children and their gang leader, Malarky.

Starring: Ian and Jeanette Krankie, Pee-Wee Herman and Minnie Skirt.

Quotes:
Suzy: "He who walks behind the shops."

Most Helpful User Review:
Brutal. And damn scary, too, if you're watching it while eating a burger or chicken-feast pizza and babysitting your mad neighbour's bastard kids.


BIFTA Winner: Best Adaptation of a Stephen King Novel (1984)

Directed by: Duane Orpington. US Colour.

Home

 

Home

 

A Chocolate Orange  (1995)

Alternative Titles: Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit, No Chocolate Please We're British!

Genre: Horror

Plot:
The tale of a young man's passion for chocolate, Beethoven and ultraviolence. After an armed chocolate raid down at the local Kwik Save, Terry Allgold is selected for an experimental treatment where constant exposure to films of Dawn French eating mounds of chocolate oranges gives him a horrific aversion to chocolate. The merest whiff of chocolate causes him to vomit copiously while trying to sing "The Lord Is My Shepherd" in Welsh.

Starring: Mark Addy, Ray Winstone, Dawn French and Lulu.

Quotes:
Sharon: "It's not Terry's, it's mine."

Most Helpful User Review:
Controversial. Famously removed from distribution by its director after a vicious backlash from Cadburys and Nestle in the British press.


BIFTA Winner: Best Share That with Me (1996)

Directed by: Stanley Housebrick. UK Colour.

Home

 

Home

 

The Chomp  (1979)

Alternative Titles: Fight for Chomp, The Last Chocolate Bar In Town, Chomper Stomper

Genre: Drama

Plot:
Weepie about a boy and his love for chocolate. Jon Voight stars as a father who must fight for the last chocolate bar in town. Faye Dunaway is at her bitchy best as the absent mother scheming to come between father and son.

Starring: Jon Voight, Faye Dunaway and introducing Ricky Schroeder.

Quotes:
TJ: "Wake up daddy, breakfast's ready!"


BIFTA Winner: Best Film About Chocolate and Boxing (1980)

Directed by: Beppe DeMarco. US Colour.

Home

 

Home

 

A Christmas Carrot  (2009)

Alternative Titles: Scroooooooooooge!

Genre: Children's/Family

Plot:
Disney's adaptation of the Dickens classic. A cantankerous old miser learns to appreciate Christmas when a ghostly visitor replaces all his money with a carrot.

Starring: Jim Carrey, Gary Oldman & Ruth Maddock (voices).

Quotes:
Scrooge: "Give me back my coins you thieving shit!"


BIFTA Nomination: Best Roast Potatoes Cooked by a Supporting Actor (2010)

Directed by: Phil McGravyboat. US Colour.

Home

 

Home

 

Cillit Cillit Bang Bang  (2016)

Alternative Titles: Cillit Bang: The Musical, Cillit Bang-A-Bang, Crash Bang What a Cleaner!

Genre: Family/Musical

Plot:
The magic of oven cleaner is celebrated wholeheartedly in this long-awaited reboot of the classic family favourite.

Starring: Barry Scott and Suranne Jones.

Quotes:
Truly Gumption: "Bang! And the dirt is gone."

Most Helpful User Review:
Keep out of reach of children.

Music By: Billy Ocean.

Best Song: Get Out of My Dreams (And Into My Kitchen).


BIFTA Nomination: Which? Product of the Year (2017)

Directed by: Placebo Dominoes. UK/US Colour.

Home

 

Home

 

Close Encounters of the Turd Kind  (1980)

Alternative Titles: Bog Blocker, Shit Sculptures, Ever Decreasing Mental Health, What the Fuck Are You Doing?!

Genre: Sci-Fi

Plot:
Richard Briers stars in this early Steven Spielberg effort.

Following a visit to a public toilet in Margate, Briers is plagued by the compulsion make sculptures from his stools, alienating his wife and children in the process.

Won the 1981 Turner Prize.

Starring: Richard Briers and Felicity Kendall.

Quotes:
Barbara: "You dirty bastard!"


BIFTA Nomination: Best Filth (1981)

Directed by: Steven Spielberg. UK/US Colour.

Home

 

Home

 

Columbo: Death by Twister  (1977)

Alternative Titles: Strangled by Stealth, Murdered by Mauling, Twisted Sister, It's Ideal

Genre: Mystery

Plot:
Detective Inspector Columbo investigates the death of a woman, who mysteriously died while playing Twister.

Was it an accident? Or did one of the players bump off his wife by suffocating her with his groin, whilst in a tangle of limbs on the spotty plastic sheet?

We know it is murder because we are shown at the start. Columbo knows it is murder but likes to taunt his suspect. And we like to watch.

Starring: Peter Falk, Charlie Horse and Polly Styrene.

Quotes:
Steve: "Oh shake it up baby now, shake it up baby, twist and shout."


BIFTA Winner: Best By Far (1978)

Directed by: M.B. Games. US Colour.

Home

 

Home

 

Columbo: Death by Exercise  (1978)

Alternative Titles: Spin to Win, Wheels of Misfortune, Peddle Pusher

Genre: Mystery

Plot:
Detective Inspector Columbo investigates the death of a woman, who mysteriously dies while "spinning".

Was the woman driven to exhaustion by the gruelling non-stop peddling, disco lights and shit music? Or was the exercise bike seat dowsed in poison and taken in by osmosis?

We know it is murder. Columbo knows it is murder. You know it is murder.

Starring: Peter Falk and Olivia Newton-John.

Quotes:
Stephanie: "No pain baby, no gain."


BIFTA Winner: Best Fitness Instructor (1979)

Directed by: Christopher Biggins. US Colour.

Home

 

Home

 

Columbo: Death by Sweetcorn  (1979)

Alternative Titles: Corn on the Cob, Cob on, Choke on the Cob

Genre: Mystery

Plot:
Detective Inspector Columbo investigates the death of a woman who chokes eating sweetcorn. Were the nibbles a little too large? Or did her failed novelist husband poison the food?

We know it is murder. Columbo knows it is murder. Ah, you get the picture.

Starring: Peter Falk and Mercedes Benz.

Quotes:
Columbo: "I suppose you expect me to believe that the jolly green giant did it?"


BIFTA Winner: Best Corncobs in a Supporting Role (1980)

Directed by: Morton Pitts. US Colour.

Home

 

Home

 

Comedy of Terrors  (1980)

Alternative Titles: Die Laughing, Bust a Gut, What a Carry On

Genre: Horror

Plot:
A recently mentally broken-down dentist gets his patients giddy with laughing gas then promptly uses his drill on their eyes. The laughter doesn't last. Gruesome.

Starring: Oliver Reed and Phoebe Jeebie.

Quotes:
Dr Moomin: "Now don't worry, you won't feel a thing...."


BIFTA Winner: Best Sick-Maker (1981)

Directed by: Joe Porn. UK Colour.

Home

 

Home

 

The Curious Dr. Twatt  (1976)

Alternative Titles: Total Twatt, Don't Touch That, Don't Touch This, Doctor in the House, Doctorin' The House

Genre: Horror

Plot:
Madcap scientist capers. Dr. Morgan Twatt does experiments with dry ice and bubbling green liquid in test tubes. A Hammer Production.

Starring: Nigel Havers.

Quotes:
Dr. Twatt: "You forget, Dr Rumbold, I am a Twatt - like my father before me!"


BIFTA Winner: Best Science Laboratory (1977)

Directed by: Bunsen Burner. UK Colour.

Home

 

0-A B C D E-F G-H
I-L M-Q R-S T U-Z