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The Bastards in Blue  (1982)

Alternative Titles: Cops and Robbers, Truncheon Luncheon, Cop Shop

Genre: Action/Comedy

Plot:
The only feature-length excursion into celluloid by Cannon and Ball. They play bumbling policemen trying to catch incoming drug smugglers with a 30ft fishing net.

Starring: Tommy Cannon, Bobby Ball and Suzanne Danielle.

Quotes:
Bobby: "Rock on Tommy!"

Most Helpful User Review:
Rubbish. Only worth a watch because Suzanne Danielle gets her top off.


BIFTA Winner: Best Use of a Truncheon by a Supporting Actress (1983)

Directed by: John O'Groats. UK Colour.

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The Beast Must Feast  (1977)

Alternative Titles: Beast Feast, Feast of Fury, Patch Woofs It Up, All You Can Eat for £5.99

Genre: Horror

Plot:
Landowner Tiny Bucketts just happens to keep a 7ft hairy beast in his double garage. When foot and mouth disease destroys his herd of cows, he starts feeding it locals from the village.

Starring: Gareth Hunt and Demis Rousos.

Quotes:
The monster: "AARRRRRLLLLGGGNNNRRRHHH!"

Most Helpful User Review:
I don't know, I've not seen it, sorry.


BIFTA Winner: Best in Show (1978)

Directed by: Lardy Arse. UK Colour.

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The Beast with Five Arseholes  (1939)

Alternative Titles: The Monster Arse, Asparagus the Beast, Fuckin' Arseholed, Fancy That

Genre: Horror

Plot:
A quiet rural town is thrown into pandemonium, as it emerges that the murder of 13 people is down to a five-arseholed hairy monster.

Starring: Derek Spoons and Gordon Sjin.

Quotes:
Johnny: "Damn, it's ugly I gotta tell ya, it looks like a cow and it's as big as a house! That reminds me, my sister is in town."


BIFTA Nomination: Best Dung (1940)

Directed by: Selwyn Friggitt. US Black and White.

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Big Trouble in Littlewoods  (2005)

Alternative Titles: Liquidation for Littlewoods, That Pesky Internet, The Good Old Days

Genre: Action

Plot:
It started as a shopping catalogue company. At its height, there were about 4,000 employees working for Littlewoods. However, the catalogue market was transformed with the emergence of the internet, and eventually all the shops were closed. Ah well.

Starring: Kurt Russell and Linda Robson.

Quotes:
Mike: "Littlewoods is closing down?! Christ. What next, Woolworths?"
Sharon: "Don't be stupid..."


BIFTA Winner: (2006)

Directed by: John Carpenter. UK Colour.

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Bigfoot in the Park  (1968)

Alternative Titles: Sasquatch: The Movie, Bungle Goes Bad

Genre: Romantic Comedy

Plot:
Gentle rom com starring Jane Fonda as a newlywed whose lawyer husband is rather more grizzly than most.

Starring: Jane Fonda and Farton Marley Jnr.

Quotes:
Bigfoot: "I've got such a headache, and I've got a case in court in the morning."
Carrie: "God, you don't half moan."

Most Helpful User Review:
The bit in Washington Square Park made me laugh a lot.


BIFTA Nomination: Best Bear Costume (1969)

Directed by: Arthur C Clarke. US Colour.

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Blah Blah Bland  (2016)

Alternative Titles: Bland Land, Banality Fair, Is There Anything Else On?

Genre: Musical

Plot:
While navigating their lives in Knutsford, two students fall in love while attempting to reconcile their aspirations for the future.

Starring: Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone.

Quotes:
Sebastian: I'm letting life hit me until it gets tired. Then I'll hit back.
Mia: Have you heard yourself? [rolls eyes]

Most Helpful User Review:
I'm a sucker for a good musical, but God this was dull. Avoid.

Music By: Foo Fighters.

Best Song: Think It's Gonna Rain This Afternoon.


BIFTA Nomination: Best Film. Oh no, wait!.... (2017)

Directed by: Damien Chewits. US/UK Colour.

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Bland Hotel  (1940)

Alternative Titles: Nothing Important Happened Today, Boredom Hotel, Crossroads Motel

Genre: Drama

Plot:
Greta Garbo and an ensemble cast of unknowns watch paint dry in the lobby of the eponymous hotel.

Starring: Greta Garbo, Kath Owed-Ray and Nick Titt.

Quotes:
Receptionist: "God, I'm so bored I could chew my shoes for entertainment."


BIFTA Nomination: Best Borefest (1941)

Directed by: Holly Wood. US Colour.

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Blazing Saddleworth  (2004)

Alternative Titles: Moors! Moors! Moors!, Oklacoma!

Genre: Western/Comedy/Adventure

Plot:
Roger Moore returns to the big screen in this hit UK comedy.

The sleepy moors of Saddleworth become under threat when business tycoon Jeffrey Tarmacadam reveals plans to turn them into the country's biggest municipal car park.

Unfortunately, he had not reckoned on a small community of country folk who believe they are Wild-West pioneers living in the year 1883.

Starring: Roger Moore.

Quotes:
Farmer Barleymow: "Gerrorf moy laaaaand!"


BIFTA Winner: Best Wellies in Size 11 (2005)

Directed by: Mel Andsue. UK Colour.

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Bloody Awful  (1981)

Alternative Titles: Bloody Nora, Mind Your Language, Foreign Muck, Muck for Luck

Genre: Horror

Plot:
Panic and hysteria hit the Spanish resort of Costa del Sol when a language school starts losing its pupils in a series of bizarre killings.

Is one of the teachers to blame? Or is it one of the students, driven mad after one too many recitals of "Frere Jacques."

Starring: Pedro Santini, Adrienne D'Angelo and Keith Baron.

Quotes:
Carlos: "Je, tu, il, elle, nous, vous, burn in Hell!"


BIFTA Winner: Best Film with English as a Second Language (1982)

Directed by: Des Pickable. Spain Colour.

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Boobs in the Wood  (1972)

Alternative Titles: Confessions of a Lumberjack, Boobywood

Genre: Comedy

Plot:
1970s British farce. Robin Askwith chases a topless Barbara Windsor around the woods. Contains lame double entendres about poking with twigs.

Starring: Robin Askwith, Barbara Windsor, Bob Todd and Patrick Cargill.

Quotes:
Betty: "I know another bush you might like to see..."


BIFTA Nomination: Best Comedy Farting Noises (1973)

Directed by: Tommy Knockers. UK Colour.

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The Bourbon Identity  (2002)

Alternative Titles: Bourbon Creams, Tesco's Finest Bourbon Creams, Sainsbury's Be Good to Yourself

Genre: Action/Thriller

Plot:
Matt Damon stars in this high-octane thriller of intrigue, murder and biscuits. Damon plays Walter Onion, a production line worker for the Big Business Biscuit Co.

Walter is accused of stealing bourbon creams from the packaging department. It's a race against time to find the real culprit and clear his good name.

Starring: Matt Damon.

Quotes:
Boss: "These biscuits have gone soft! What have I said about closing the fucking tin?"


BIFTA Winner: Best Melting Moments (2003)

Directed by: Panini Stickers. US Colour.

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The Brain from Planet Raptou  (1991)

Alternative Titles: Raptou is for You, It Cuts It Chops It Sucks, Innovations, Wait There's More!

Genre: Sci-Fi

Plot:
A UFO lands in the car park of the Thwackton branch of Asda, causing much panic amongst last-minute Christmas shoppers who presume aliens have come to steal every last turkey on Earth.

An alien in the form of a disembodied brain places a curse on the store's kitchen appliances - giving them a dangerous life of their own.

Starring: Bertie Bassett and Anna Seed.

Quotes:
Woman #1: "That turkey's mine, bitch!"


BIFTA Winner: Best Christmas Album in the World... Ever! (1992)

Directed by: Admail Cheapcrap. UK Colour.

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Bugsy Alone  (1979)

Alternative Titles: Home Alone, Bugsy Balony

Genre: Children's

Plot:
This classic cross-genre children's musical comedy is best-known as being written, produced, acted and directed completely by chimps.

Set in 1920s prohibition-era America, our protagonist, Bugsy, is abandoned by his gang after he mates with the alpha-male's favourite bitch.

Subtitles.

Starring: Charles and Eddie.

Quotes:
Bugsy: "Oo, oo, oo, ah, ah, ah!"

Most Helpful User Review:
Contains the iconic food fight at the Monkey Business Speakeasy.


BIFTA Winner: Best Foreign Language Film (1980)

Directed by: Clyde. US Colour.

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Bunco Booth  (2003)

Alternative Titles: You're Gonna Be Excited Be Delighted Maybe But Not A Lot, That's Magic!

Genre: Thriller

Plot:
After bunking off work and going to the seaside, Colin Farrell is trapped by fading magician Paul Daniels in this fast-paced thriller. A simple display of magic tricks turns nasty as Farrell is unable to leave the Bunco Booth until he has successfully guessed which of three cups a ball is under. He soon wishes he'd gone to see clairvoyant Madame Rosti instead.

Starring: Colin Farrell, Paul Daniels and Debbie McGee.

Quotes:
The Great Supremo: "Is this your card?"


BIFTA Nomination: Best Rabbit-In-A-Hat Trick by a Supporting Actor (2004)

Directed by: Joel Shoemaker. UK Colour.

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